It's been a year since it all started. 6 months today since that day. The day which started off with me going to the lab on a Saturday, smiling at squirrels on the way to lab, a normal day at the lab with biofilms, feeling like I was on clouds at the beginning of the night, then down a roller coaster which crashed into the sea at the end of the night. No idea how I'm still able to cope with this never-ending emotional roller coaster. It's like a sine curve that initially started at 0 radians, then goes up and down and up and down and simply never stops. Given that I have friends who resorted to attempting suicide/cut themselves when they can't seem to cope, I'm glad that I won't resort to such stuff. Even though my heart has been cut into tiny pieces and even tinier pieces each time we talk about that. A month since we last discussed that, if I even count that as a discussion. More of a mention perhaps. Sometimes it's just so confusing I just want to press that imaginary "stop" button. Unfortunately it doesn't exist. Neither does an "unlike" button. You probably don't realise how much it warms my heart to know that you still care. Then I fall more for you each time. But it's so incredibly confusing. You want to bring me and my family around another country in 11 months' time? Who knows where we'll stand then when you'll be away for like 7-8 months. I didn't expect you to continue with "with your parents and sis" when you said you wanted to bring me to see that place. Enjoyed the secret stolen periods with you this sem thus far and hating on our complementary timetables. As secret as bumping into mutual friends far from Science gets anyway. You're still making it seem like there's a possibility that one day I'll dine with your family, and you know that bringing someone of the opposite gender back to meet the family means something so idk why you still mention that... And the brilliant smiles when we meet away from the public eye... Even after 6 months, I still hope. Because that's what's getting me through. Hope that over time I'll recover from the damage you've caused and the slight probability that we will get what we desire. But no matter whether we manage to stay in contact through WhatsApp/Facebook/Skype for the next 11 months, there'll always be a part of me that remembers you as my first love, even after I've locked our memories together in this box in my heart labelled with your name. Sometimes I get so amused by the drama in our lives till I laugh to myself that I can write a book about our story. But stories are stories, and they usually contain happy endings. And this will probably not have a happy ending. Although I don't foresee myself falling out of love with you anytime soon or whatever we have left falling apart, hopefully, the next time I remember I have a blog again, I'll be feeling better. :) It's been a great one year with you and your company, support and care, and even with all the ups and downs, I wouldn't trade it for the world. :) I'd be rich by now if I got $1 for every drop of tear I shed over you in the past 6 months. It's not your fault that we're both hurting, I'm glad we established that. :) And so this part of our story ends with our exit from what brought us together, which was how it all began, in my opinion. I'll see you later and act like I don't remember anything, though that day will be fresh in my mind the whole day.